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Insecurity and Conditional Value

I used to approach my marriage from a place of insecurity and conditional value.

I didn’t like myself much so I assumed that my husband didn’t like being around me, and I found proof for it all the time. I believed that I wasn’t lovable, so I disregarded anything my husband did for me out of love because I didn’t believe that that was possible. I thought I had to do enough to be enough, so I made sure to tell him all the things I had done that day and how hard it was, hoping for reassurance of my value. I was defensive most of the time. Any sign of him not pursuing me was proof that I wasn’t enough.

The pain ran deep. My husband, the one who really knew me and was supposed to support and love me, was instead making all my worst fears come true.

And then I shifted. I learned that it is not my husband’s job to prove to me that I am valuable, worth it, enough. That this was my responsibility. I thought about questions like: What do I want to believe about myself? How is believing that I am broken, scarred, and unlovable impacting my ability to trust, experience, and enjoy my life?

I started showing up from a space of value, and what I found was that I suddenly had permission to have an easier, lighter, more enjoyable day. It meant that I was now free to trust that he loves me, to receive and delight in the many ways he shows up for me, and to see them as true acts of love. It meant that I was free to let my guard down and greet him with a smile because I already know I am enough.

Friends, I invite you to experience the gift of essential worth. If you feel like your value is based on the people whom you wish would support you, take a minute to look inside your heart. What do you believe about yourself? What do you believe about your value? Who would you be, if you knew that you are unconditionally valuable and that nothing could threaten that?

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