We create with our thoughts, words, and intentions. When I first learned this skill it seemed silly. How can I create a reality that isn't there? How can my thoughts or words affect what I thought was reality? Also, I had all the reasoning to back up my reality. I had it all figured out--my husband's upbringing, his parents, labels thrown around and picked up from secular society, psychological jargon--I understood it all, so how could saying some silly words change anything?
I decided to try it out anyways, because, what did I have to lose? I decided to look at it as a fun experiment instead of an exercise in futility.
I struggled with the way my husband dealt with my kids. I felt like he was too harsh. His masculine energy made me feel uncomfortable and I felt like the mama bear who needed to protect her young. I needed to protect my children and give them that nurturing touch.
Needless to say, there was a lot mistrust. I made that clear with my body language, my words, and even my actions. And even if I tried to test the waters I would find exactly what I had feared would manifest. I couldn't imagine there was any other way.
I first started with words that sounded so fake. "You are such a kind and loving Tatty". Every time I said it, I made a concerted effort to train my eyes to see him in that light and train my mind to find the evidence for the next time.
In the beginning, it didn't land well. He would bristle and push away my kind works. It hurt to put myself on the line vulnerably, only to be shut down by him.
But with coaching, I started to understand that my husband felt my hesitancy and that I didn't really mean it. It wasn't what I said, it was my non-trusting energy. Husbands are experts at sensing our energyđ.
When I started saying it with the intention that THIS IS THE ACTUAL REALITY, that's when it started landing and things started shifting. He started showing up kinder, more considerate, softer, and more loving. I started saying it with more conviction and it was having more of an impact.
Now when I say, "you're such a kind and loving tatty" I get teary eyes because I really mean it. It is so clear to me now that I am blessed with a kind and loving tatty for my childrenâ¤ď¸.
â Anonymous Relationshift Coach
Reminder: The stories shared here are not about the particulars, but rather a mindset shift that made a difference.